Help! Where do Social Media Weight Watchers meet?

I fear I’m a Social Media size zero with a Social Mass Index well into the danger zone. That’s not right for the Editor of an online magazine and self-published author.

I didn’t realise I had an SMI until I discovered Social Mention. Now I find out I’m hardly registering on the SM scales. Size 0 doesn’t cut it in the social space however you dress it up. I don’t want to be another Ana Carolina Reston of the Social Media world.

I’ve either got to do something about it myself or join Social Weight Watchers (anyone know where my local group meets – please don’t tell me it’s in a virtual place?)

What’s a target SM weight?

How big should my SMI be? I know big is really beautiful out there in the social networks but I’m not temperamentally geared to letting it all hang out. I survived well enough in the real world without feeling the need to be stared at. Now I’m not sure the world is real any more so I’m banking on the idea that a virtual leopard can change his spots.

I can see that shyness isn’t tolerated in SM, that it’s as lethal as anorexia. To continue the metaphor, I also get the feeling bulimia has no equivalent risk factor in SM. Consuming as much as you like and then spewing it all back straight away is seen as healthy behaviour. I’m equally convinced smediacolism is not rated as a morbidity issue. It doesn’t affect the liver, heart or lungs and the strain it puts on the bank balance is minimal. I’d need a few large scale, randomised, double blind trials to convince me that brain function is not impaired by SM overindulgence but the gods are lining most of us up for senile dementia anyway, so what do I care? It’s reassuring to know you can’t be overweight in Social Media. However, that doesn’t help me with setting a target. Size matters because there’s a lot of grown up girls in the social space.

How big a fish, how small a pond?

I’m not in any conventional media spotlights. For all I know, a paparazzi is something you wash down with a Peroni in Pizza Express. So unless I get into serial killing – the writing about or committing thereof – I’ll never get among the heavy weights like Gaga and Bieber. No matter, all I want is to make a splash in some small ponds like history, creative writing or online publishing. I’ve got to bulk up to do that. I could set my sights on being the kind of guru Seth Godin is in Social Marketing though I haven’t got his advantage of sounding like an apostle before I type a word. I could try to emulate the queen of twitter , Laura Fitton of oneforty, for sheer output but that would involve too much multitasking for a bloke.

Instead, I Googled ‘Social Media Diet Plan’. The best I got was Christian Collard’s pretty pyramid, which is about average monitor time in the US. No good to me, I’m not targeting average, I’m after obese.

I decided the only way forward was to make up my own diet plan and try to stick to it. I only started it last week so who knows when or if I’ll start piling on the SM pounds. I’m not recommending it to anyone else but I’m laying it on the table so you can all share my pain.

My SM diet

Breakfast

It’s tweets for breakfast. I’m starting with continental (read 5-10 tweets, retweet two, one @ and one new send) with a view to working up to Full English (read 30 tweets, RT several, ditto for @s, schedule 5-10 for posting over the next couple of days). As a reminder to myself of what not to do, I’ll constantly search #pointlesstweets.

How will I count my SM calories?

  • No. of tweets
  • No. of follows
  • No. following

I’ll target 10% higher every week. I’ll set a ceiling for no. following because I doubt following more people will increase my SMI, in spite of all the experts banging on about how crucial it is to listen.

Lunch

Lunch is Facebook. I’ll be checking my walls (personal and business) and adding a brick or two if I can find something to give or say. Whenever I can, I’ll update my Profile or load some photos. I won’t just duplicate my tweets. I may say the same thing as I said in the morning but I’ll breakthrough the 140 character barrier so the message looks more comfortable in its Facebook space.

Calorie count:

  • No. of recent comments I’ve made
  • No. of recent comments from others
  • No. of Likes
  • No. of discussions raging

I’ll keep telling myself ‘More is more’.

Dinner

Evening meal is Linkedin (Social Media Today, B2B Social Media, History Enthusiasts etc.)and other professional networks or resources including Social Marketing on Xing, History Teachers on diilgo. History News Network on Ning, Historum, Stumbleupon, Mequoda, Quora and Alltop.

I won’t go for a banquet every night but be disciplined about consuming them all at least twice a week.

Calorie count:

  • No. of activities
  • No. of comments
  • No. of connections

Evening work out

I’ll interrogate Google, Bing, Social Mention, Klout or Listorious for any sites or people I should be spying on. And watch how prominently they are listing EditorEgo and Egopendium. Or not.

Calorie count:

I know this will vary.

Social Mention scores on Strength, Sentiment, Passion and Reach. I can hit all of those, girls, just give me gym time.

Klout positions me on the Listening-Participating, Sharing-Creating, Broad-Focused, Casual-Consistent quartile map. I’ll constantly go back to http://klout.com/pistachio to remind myself what a hefty SMI looks like.

Weekend

They never happen in SM. I’ll have to accept that.

And what about my SMIQ?

That’s how I’m attempting to beef up my SMI. Any suggestions on or criticisms of my diet plan welcome. I do realise that it’s not all about when and how often you diet. Content is king. Anyone know of any exercises to improve my SMIQ?

Note: This blog was first published in Egopendium.

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